zidianing | inbox: noctium

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From:

equivocations

Despite everything, despite that they have both confessed their love, that they have been intimate together in so many ways, that they have been living together as a unit for months now, despite that Lan Xichen had been sure they were both on the same page about moving towards marriage, despite that he'd been calm and confident as he spoke about his devotion -

His heart still beats faster when Wanyin looks at him with tears in his eyes, his breath still catches when he says he accepts, and he still feels like he cannot quite believe what he heard.

"You accept?" he asks, giving a soft, breathless laugh before he kisses him.

He cups Wanyin's face in his hands, pressing heated kisses to his cheeks, his nose, over his eyes. Then he pushes his hands back into his hair, tangling his fingers in the strands as he cups the back of his head.

"I will speak with her," he promises. "And Wangji, and Wuxian. Wanyin, I -" he pauses for a moment, considering his words, then says quietly, "It may mean having more than one ceremony, but I would like to get married here."

From:

zidianing

He kisses him back easily and lets a few tears spill before also laughing breathlessly.

"Yes. Yes. Y--"

His heart thuds in his chest again when he hears--does he hear correctly? More than one ceremony. Meaning he...he really wants--Jiang Cheng kisses him again. He truly wants for them to marry here and whenever they return home. His arms are around Lan Xichen's shoulders and holds him close again.

"Yes. I want to have the ceremony here too. Our families are already here."

All of them.

From:

equivocations

"Yes," he echoes with more breathless laughter, smiling even when Wanyin kisses him again. He is vaguely aware of the fact that he is beaming, despite the unshed tears in his eyes, but he doesn't care. "Our families are here to celebrate with us."

Which is, admittedly, the most important reason that he wants to have a ceremony here. But there is another, and he tips his head down to rest his forehead against Wanyin's.

"I want you." His fingers run through Wanyin's hair a few times before his hands return to cupping the back of his head. "I want you here, where living together is easy, where we can legally marry without a single tongue wagging and I can call you husband as often as I want. And I want you when we are back home, where the union of two Sect Leaders will undoubtedly cause complicated negotiations, where we will have to come up with a plan to keep our lives as entwined as they are now, where I do not care what tongues might wag and I will still call you husband as often as I want."

From:

zidianing

Here where life is different; where expectations do not look over their heads. But to want him when they were back home…when other sect leaders, let alone their entire world would be gobsmacked at their union.

To see Lan Xichen among the lotuses during the summertime, in the boats with disciples. Learning how to pick pods; to be in Gusu and the Cloud Recesses, having tea with Lan Qiren as his elder and for Lan Xichen to call him husband and warm him in their bed during the cold nights…

“Huan-ge…”

It’s a choked sound, thick with emotion.

From:

equivocations

"Yes," he says again, much quieter and more solemn. Yes to committing themselves to each other here rather than continue to take advantage of the different customs of this place, yes to marrying back home no matter the difficulties, yes to whatever Wanyin is imagining about what their lives might be like that makes him say his name like that, with such emotion in his voice.

"I choose you." He presses a kiss to his forehead. "I will choose you when we have our ceremony here." Another kiss over each eye. "I will choose you again when we return home." One more kiss to his nose. "I will choose you when we are married there, in front of the whole cultivation world." A kiss to each of his cheeks.

"I will always choose you."

Finally, he kisses his lips again, long and lingering - he doesn't care if he has to repeat that every day, if it becomes as often said as I love you, he will make sure that Wanyin knows that he has chosen him.

From:

zidianing

More tears escape at the kiss to his forehead, to his eyes, to his nose, his cheeks, each with Lan Xichen choosing him. When he finally kisses him, Jiang Cheng kisses him back, holding him close.

"I love you," he says against his lips, broken, raw. There's a part of him, that shadow part, that still doesn't believe, that thinks that Lan Xichen will wake up some day and change his mind. But to hear that affirmed, to hear him say such sweet things, to hear him choose him again and again, it cuts down to his very core.

From:

equivocations

"I love you," he replies, feeling the multi-faceted ache in his heart that he's started to recognize he gets when Wanyin lets him have him like this - a quiet pain at the broken quality in his voice and the deep hurts it speaks to, and a devastatingly fierce gratitude that he gets to have Wanyin at his most raw.

Though he has appreciated every single time that Wanyin has allowed himself to be vulnerable with him, he has never really drawn much attention to his tears - too afraid that doing so would make him stop, at first, and because he did not want Wanyin to feel embarrassed.

But now he lets his hands slide down to cup either side of Wanyin's neck instead of the back of his head, the pads of his thumbs resting gently on tear-streaked cheeks without trying to wipe them away.

"I love you like this. I love that you let me see you cry."

From:

zidianing

He gasps. Jiang Cheng shakes a little as he lets the walls down and lets Lan Xichen to see him like this. He moves forward to capture his lips and kiss him again. He's so raw, so uncomfortable in this but he saw how Lan Xichen stood up against his own shadow, ready to choose him, to defend him.

"How embarrassing," he manages to gasp out.

From:

equivocations

Lan Xichen kisses him back as he feels Wanyin start to tremble under his touch, struck once again by how remarkable his betrothed is, by how much he loves him.

"How brave." He kisses him again, just barely brushing their lips together as he murmurs against them. "You have been so brave, my heart."

His long fingers lace together behind Wanyin's neck, palms still cupping each side as he pulls back a little, just enough that he can look at him with open admiration.

"My Wanyin, how strong you are for me."

From:

zidianing

The raw and focused love he could see in Lan Xichen is more than enough to make anyone tremble. But for Jiang Cheng, it's affirming, it's dangerously addicting to be seen so plainly like this, to be loved so wholly like this. He fits his hands on Lan Xichen's waist and pulls him impossibly closer, wanting to touch him more, kiss him more. He could argue that he doesn't need any sympathy from Lan Xichen; he doesn't need platitudes. But he does. He craves it so much.

"We'll find a way," he whispers. "When we return home, we'll find a way for that. For us."

From:

equivocations

He goes easily where Wanyin directs him, until they're pressed so close together that there isn't a gap between them. The rest of the world might as well not exist when they're like this, as though they are the only two in all of it.

"We will find a way," he agrees. "You have made me believe in achieving the impossible."

There's a soft smile as he kisses him again, and he brushes their noses together. "You have already achieved it, after all. I thought it impossible that I could ever have something like this, someone like you, and here you are in my arms."

From:

zidianing

Jiang Cheng gives a watery laugh.

"I never thought it would be possible for me to have someone like you. For me to have something like this," he says softly.

This gentleness, this love. For someone to want him like this, want him so much, to love him. All of those failed matchmaking dates hadn't done well for his ego. But this strange place allowed for him to share something like this with Lan Xichen. Something so beautiful.

He kisses him and tucks himself against him, sighing happily.

From:

equivocations

"Here I am," he responds softly. "Entirely yours."

There's an echo of that contented sigh, and Lan Xichen leaves one hand curled around Wanyin's neck. With the other, he encourages him to tuck his face into his neck as he tucks himself against him. He never feels so complete as he does when Wanyin is pressed up close to him, whether it's rough and passionate or a softer intimacy.

"I love you like this," he whispers into Wanyin's hair, nuzzling into it. "Will you come to bed with me, my heart, and allow me to just hold you?"

From:

zidianing

He smiles softly at the sweet, soft nuzzle.

"Yeah," he says quietly. "Let's go to bed."

Jiang Cheng pulls away and moves toward their bedroom, dropping the towel he'd had around his shoulders along the way. Right before he turns out of sight, he drops the towel that had been around his waist.