zidianing | inbox: noctium

[ A mother who raised him in a brothel where he saw how she was treated, a father who was - well, Jin Guangshan - but he lets it go. They are talking at cross purposes now, it seems - Lan Xichen speaking broadly, discussing how his time in seclusion had made him think on Jin Guangyao as he related to the world he lived in, how the world shaped them all, and Wanyin gently pulling it back to what they are supposed to be talking about.

Jin Guangyao, and what it means that he is here. Still, he cannot help but end with, ]

When the world tells you something often enough, you believe it. When your parents tell you something often enough, you believe that, too.

[ He shakes his head after that, though he doesn't move away from Wanyin's to do so. ]

My opinion does not matter. My forgiveness - or lack there of - does not matter, because I am not the one who he has harmed. I do not wish to defend him or excuse him to those he has. But can you not understand - I have spent over two decades listening to those who spoke ill of him long before he had done anything to warrant it. I warred with myself constantly of when to defend him, when to stay silent, if it would embarrass or undermine him to speak, if it would make him feel alone if I did not. I still feel it now.

[ His hand rests tentatively over Wanyin's heart, feeling it beat. ]

The world has always been cruel. I have chosen to be kind anyway. I am well aware what that makes me.

[ Soft. Foolish. Naive. Easily manipulated. He'd stood by the choice for most of his life, but now... he is no longer sure. ]

It makes you the most kind and beautiful soul I’ve seen since my sister.

[hurt fills him. Jiang Cheng pulls away and lets go of his face, holding the man’s hand over his heart]

Your opinion, your forgiveness matters, Huan-ge. Because—

[he sucks in a breath, pausing before continuing almost too quietly to admit in this space between them. ]

...because Jin Guangyao stole my family. As much as I care about you, I can’t allow myself to be second choice to the man that stole the remnants of my family.

[his heart clenches tight and he steps away to pace, running a had through his hair. Anger. Anger is easy to fall on; familiar]

Listen to me. Talking about me when we need to talk about you. About—about him. About you and him.

A-Cheng.

[ Who knew Sandu Shengshou could be so romantic? Well. Lan Xichen had an idea, but still. And then he keeps going, and - oh. Oh, they had been talking at more cross purposes than he realized.

Oddly enough, things come easier, now that he understands Wanyin's fear. ]

Then I will talk about me and him. I believe there is a chance that he's telling the truth. I would like to support him in navigating this place until he remembers or it can be determined that he is lying. I do not believe I can be impartial when it comes to determining what a just punishment for his crimes would be despite the fact that I have already executed him once for them. I do not believe my judgment can be trusted when it comes to him, despite that I now have some experience having much more blunt conversations with Meng Yao and would hope to do so here. I will follow the lead of Wuxian and your sister, as those who have been most hurt by him.

[ He takes a step closer, watching Wanyin carefully. ]

Now let me talk about you, and me, and choice. I chose to call you. I chose to invite you in. I chose to talk about this with you more than I have with anyone else, because - [ His voice goes quiet. ] - because you let me, and I believed you might listen. You are second choice to no one.

[ He swallows, pulling in a breath and letting it out. ]

I have killed him once, Jiang Wanyin, and I will do so again before I ever let him hurt you or our families.

[He stops to look at him for a long moment. At how Lan Xichen still wishes to give Jin Guangyao another chance. That he truly is telling the truth. Jiang Cheng pulls him into another tight hug.]

I won’t regret my actions if he takes advantage of you and hurts you or any of my family again.

[No, Jin Guangyao’s blood would not be on Lan Xichen’s hands. If he starts his machinations once more, Jiang Cheng will be willing to dispatch the man without a second thought. Though he’s got the funny feeling he wouldn’t be the only one. ]

Edited 2021-03-20 16:43 (UTC)

[ He lets himself get pulled in, movements stiff at first as though he was not quite expecting it. Arguing with someone about Jin Guangyao is as familiar to him as breathing, although granted, with Mingjue it had never gotten heated like this. Perhaps because he had mostly tried to placate, to gently steer away from anger, to distract - he had very carefully tried not to choose sides with either of them. But being hugged, well. If he had ever wanted to reach out to either of them, he could not have.

It's different now. It's different with Wanyin.

One hand curls around the back of his neck, holding him close, and he rests the other at the small of his back. ]

If he does not remember, things can be different here. If he does - he would be very foolish to attempt anything like that, when he knows so many are watching him.

[ His hand slides up from his neck to rest along the line of his jaw, fingers curled under his chin so he can lift it up.]

I trust you. If it comes to that, I will defer to you and your family.

[He feels his hands reach and hold him close as well. He doesn't believe that for a second. But for Lan Xichen's sake, he won't argue it. Not for now. Jin Guangyao would use Lan Xichen as a pawn, he's sure of it, then he would have the wrath of Hanguang Jun, Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Cheng to contend with.]

You can defer to Hanguang Jun as well.

[This place certainly changes a person if he's willing to defer to Hangaung Jun for something alongside himself.]

[ There's a soft, fond smile at that - he knows very well that there is a lot of contention between Wangji and Wanyin. It is the main reason that he'd told Wangji about their understanding even before it had shifted and become something more. It means quite a bit to him, that both of them seem to at least be more open to engaging with each other. ]

I suspect he would be affronted that you thought such a thing needed to be spoken, but I appreciate the sentiment.

[ Lan Xichen had asked Wangji to keep an eye on him at the hotel, and he has no doubt that he will continue to do so here. They have always supported each other. ]

Have you spoken much with him since being here?

We’ve...spoken.

[Ah, well they’ve exchanged words. And have been mostly civil with each other. That counts, right?]

[ He hides his smile at that response - he can guess what it means - and tips his head down to kiss him. ]

I told him about our understanding, prior to it evolving into what it is now. He was not opposed.

[ Surprised, perhaps, because he and Wanyin had never been close the way he was with Mingjue or Jin Guangyao, but that does not mean there had never been respect or admiration between them. Or, once, when they were both so much younger and Wanyin had come to stay at Cloud Recesses - the beginnings of a fondness that Lan Xichen had never allowed to take root. ]

Wangji is stubborn and protective, but he has a big heart. Like someone else I know. [ He kisses him again, soft and sweet. ] Perhaps one day he will understand, as I do, that you still love Wei Wuxian.

[ Granted, it's speculation on his part, based on what he knows of Wanyin and what he knows of Wuxian - and what he knows of how it feels to be betrayed by a sworn brother and still love them - but he doesn't think he's wrong. ]

[He kisses him back eagerly, pulling away to let Lan Xichen speak. Stubborn and protective is right. He wrinkles his nose at being compared to Hanguang Jun, of all people. He allows another kiss and for Lan Xichen to assume he still loves Wei Wuxian. He doesn't! They're just...getting along better.]

Wei Wuxian and I are speaking.

[They've spoken and there's a healing understanding between them that remains unspoken.]

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